Nurturing Resilience in Children

Emma Avis
Jul 31
3 min read

Helping Children Grow Through Struggles — Not Avoid Them

By Emma Avis, Child Wellbeing Advocate | Brick Club Facilitator | Developmental Psychology & SEMH Specialist

As someone who has worked closely with children in schools, Brick Clubs, and through community-based emotional wellbeing initiatives, I’ve seen firsthand how tricky moments — when handled with care — can shape a child’s inner strength.

Yet so often, when a child encounters difficulty, our adult instinct is to jump in and help. But what if we held back just a little? What if we walked beside them instead of in front of them?

What Is Resilience, Really?

Resilience is more than “bouncing back.” It’s a child’s ability to:

💪 Keep going when something feels hard
🧠 Think flexibly and solve problems
🌧️ Feel disappointment and still return to the challenge
🗣️ Say things like “I’ll try again” or “What else could work?”

And here’s the truth: resilience isn’t something kids are born with. It’s something we help build — Brick by Brick — through safe relationships, opportunities to realise difficult moments, and space to grow through practise.

Resilience Can Look Messy

When a child is upset or expressing defeat over a tricky task, it may not look like resilience — but it could be. Signs of growing resilience include:

✔️ They keep trying (even with tears).

✔️ They explore new ways to solve the problem.

✔️ They calm down and re-engage.

✔️ They ask for help after trying first.

Let’s remember: resilience often comes dressed in frustration, not perfection.

🛑 The Urge to Fix — And Why We Should Pause

It’s natural to want to soothe, solve, and rescue, however, when we always fix things for children, the unintended message is:

“You can’t handle this on your own.”

Over time, this can chip away at a child’s belief in themselves.

Empowerment Over Rescue

What helps more? Letting children know:“I’m here, and I believe you can figure this out.”

That belief becomes internalised and that’s where true confidence is born.

Feeling comfortable enough to rely on peers strengthens bonds and understanding

Practical Ways to Build Resilience

For parents, carers, and educators looking to nurture emotionally strong and self-reliant children:

🧡 Validate Feelings: “I can see this is really frustrating.” Naming emotions helps children feel safe and understood.

🌱 Encourage, Don’t Instruct: “What have you tried so far?” “You’ve figured out hard things before — what might help now?”

👀 Model—Then Step Back: Demonstrate once, then let them explore. Learning lives in trial and error!

❓ Use Thoughtful Questions

“What’s your plan?”
“What happened when you tried that?”
“What’s another idea?”

💬 Normalise Mistakes

Share your own "struggle story". Children learn that setbacks are stepping stones — not signs of weakness or that they aren't capable.

👫 Support Peer Collaboration

Children build emotional strength together — through play, shared challenges, and mutual support.

📈 Offer "Just-Right" Challenges

Tasks that are slightly above their current skill level stretch growth without overwhelming them.

🔄 Be Consistent, Calm & Present

Predictable support, and responses from you, lets children try, figure out and try again!

A Growing Need for Resilience

Today’s children are navigating an increased number of environments — academically, socially, digitally. For those with Social and Emotional Mental Health (SEMH) needs, resilience isn’t just helpful — it’s foundational.